Warning: This one's a downer (you can see by the image)

Yeah... if you can't tell, I can't sleep. So I'm here. I can't really turn off the lights, since other Alex still needs them, so I may as well not completely waste my time awake.

About my sour, almost lethargic mood tonight, yeah... I'm not suprised if I have at least another ten of these by the time the semester ends. I don't expect them to just go away. In fact, taking 6.009 along with five other classes in the fall is probably going to further exacerbate such "down time," since that will just be a constant reminder of how much of a waste of time I'm going to feel that everything is, especially when I'm required to show up at lecture to participate. So... I'm not optimistic in the slightest currently about everything. Honestly... this is probably how all of the Course 5s who've failed the ASE for Chemistry feel. At least they have the solace of knowing that they weren't really expecting to pass the Chemistry ASE. At this point, I'm probably going to 6.0001 a 1/7 rating because it's the most I could do about it. And if things go the way I'm expecting, 6.0002 will get the same rating.

My mood, currently

At this point, I almost envy everybody who's like "OMG, I'm so confused, how do you do this problem?!?!?!" As painful as 8.012 was, I actually really enjoyed it, and I missed the feeling of being on the cusp of getting completely lost. I ran into someone I knew from 18.BLOCK while walking back to Simmons today. She mentioned that she was taking 8.022 (along with 8.011 apparently?), which just gives me another reason for why I hate that I have to do 6.0001 (conflict with 8.022). Of course, because I'm not actally in 8.022, I wouldn't actually know whether the pain I'll endure is worth it, but judging by my experience with 8.012, I would say it is.

Now, whenever Grace is like "Thonk? How do I do 18.600 PSet? Why does 6.006 not make sense?" I don't say it out loud, but inside my brain, I would usually be thinking "And why am I not asking similar questions about my 6.042 Pset? Why can't I also have trouble with my stuff? Why are my 6.0001 PSets a snoozefest and not a brain-twister?" Obviously, it is still entirely possible that these other classes also have bad Psets, but they at least give you the hope (at least for the first few Psets) that there may be something clever you have to do.

It's hard. Since the ASE, I feel as if I'm not good enough to take the more interesting stuff, but at the same time, it's really hard to improve from a class like 6.0001 or 6.042 because these classes feel so slow and basic (not to belittle you if you worked hard in either course. You did great). And also, it's so hard to look on the bright side (oh wow, you're learning in 24.900 and 18.03-ish) because I really should be learning from all five of my classes. This is MIT, after all. Instead, I'm really only learning from two of them, while the others are still time-consuming enough with 6.009 as a Listener that with my poor time management, I can't really do other stuff like Kaggle (AI stuff). We'll see for next semester, since I'll be tacking on some Course 9 stuff then too.

That's basically it for this post. Sorry it was just a downer, and/or I was insensitive at any point during this post. I just haven't posted anything in three days, and nothing noteworthy at all has happened this week, and I really don't feel like rereading this post.

Comments

  1. Grace JiangMarch 11, 2022 at 8:28 AM

    Whenever someone tells you "there's always next semester," it probably seems trite, but really, one semester of taking classes in which you know a lot of the content isn't a semester wasted. I can definitely understand how bad it is to feel like you're nothing while everyone else is doing things, especially when there are so many things around you that you could be doing. So I suggest going around and doing those things! Randomly sit in on a 18.314159 class (this class does not exist, but basically classes with that vibe), go exploring the tunnels, improve your time management by, idk, but there's probably something you can do. You have plenty of opportunities to bump up the challenge, you just have to look harder if they're not in your classes. One semester (12 weeks) is like 0.29% of your life (i googled "human life expectancy in 2022" xddx), much more epic times await >:D!


    also:
    > "Thonk? How do I do 18.600 PSet? Why does 6.006 not make sense?" --> LOL this is so me

    ReplyDelete
  2. calamariMarch 12, 2022 at 9:12 PM

    i was going to comment something along the lines of 'summer's almost here!' but then there was an error and then spark happened and then it snowed...
    but summer's almost here! we're looking for housing and making plans already, the snow is (probably) melting, and the semester will be over soon

    ReplyDelete

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